The Advantages of Being an Older Mom

Apr 20, 20236 min read

First off, 40 is not too old to be a mom. Let's just get that out of the way. So, if you are worried about being an older mom because you want to start having babies in your late 30's or early 40's such as I did, let me just say there is nothing wrong with being an older mom. There is, in my opinion, no right age to have a baby. The "right" age is whatever age is right for you and when you are ready to have kids.

However, it is worth noting that doesn't mean there won't be challenges. There are of course physical challenges to having a baby. But, the reality is they aren't necessarily all aged based challenges. Many women have babies later in life (38, 40, and older) and have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies. Me and my son are living proof of that. So, don't throw the idea out the window, because you think it's too late. Women are having babies later in life these days and there is nothing wrong with it. There are also options if that is your plan like freezing your eggs or IVF. So, don't rule it out.

Further more, that doesn't mean that parenting will be harder, either. There will be moments that are hard and difficult. Will they be more difficult specifically because you are older? Have less energy? Not really. No mom has it all figured out no matter their age. Being a mom is exhausting whether you are 26 or 36. I think it is all hard. We just have to know that is the case and expect that is the case no matter what age you are. If you are thinking about becoming a mom and you are older here is a list of pros to being an older mom, according to this 41 year old mom.

Life Lessons Learned

Personally, I feel for myself that I had no business raising kids in my twenty's or early thirties. I was still having a lot of relationship troubles. and learning a lot of hard lessons because of that. I hadn't figured out who I was, what I wanted or healed from a lot of my past trauma. I was living in a contact state of stress and coping mechanisms. I was selfish, and too young, emotionally. I had so much to learn about love, life and myself. So, being a young mom was not in the cards for me.

I Wanted Kids Later in Life

I wasn't ready to have kids until my late 30's. I swore up and down in my teens, twenties and early thirties that I didn't want kids. I wasn't interested in being a mom. I was happy being an aunt. I also had never been in a stable, healthy relationship and the thought of adding a child to any of those relationships felt wrong to me. That all changed after I got together with my, now husband, who had a child, who is now my step son. Together we really worked on our emotional relationship and our patterns and triggers. We grew emotionally as individuals and really worked to support, love and understand each other. I realized I wanted to be a parent with my husband, and have an ours baby, because I knew we were in it together and we would work to be good parents, together and on ourselves and our relationship as we went through life's ups and down's, grew and things changed.

Ready to Settle Down

When I became an older parent I felt I has lived a life, and then some. I had many adventures. I was ready to give up some of the activities from my younger days. For example, I'm at the stage in my life that if I never set foot in another club or go to another after party, ever again, I will not be sorry. I have been there, done that and I don't find that a fun way to spend my time, anymore. When I had my baby I was ready to truly settle down and live a more home based lifestyle, go to bed early, give up alcohol and just enjoy spending times with family and friends over a nice dinner or kid based activity. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything. I have lived a life. I feel satisfied with that.

Career Plateaus and Financial Stability

When I had my baby, I had reached the peak of my career in my field, there was really no where left to go. I was a manager at the place I had worked at for many years. I had made many of the changes that were needed to make the place run smoother. I was mentoring amazing young workers, designers and artists to take over my roles. I was doing work I loved and enjoyed but it was getting to be very repetitive. I was ready for a new career adventure or to take on less and place my attentions elsewhere. I owned a house with my partner and hubby. Previous to that I had owned a house on my own. We were mostly debt free. We were financially stable and ,y hubby and I had a good financial relationship that was based on equal footing and contribution. So, for me, having kids later in life allowed me to provide a financially stable foundation for our new addition, and I was in a place in my career where taking a year off was not career ending for me.

You Can Handle the Triggers

Being a parent is sooooooooo hard. Part of why it is hard, is that you have this little mini version of yourself mirroring all of your challenging behaviour back to you. If you choose to raise your child differently than you were raised, your child is getting some of the parenting that you never got as a child. It's all so triggering. For me I am actively choosing to lead with more a compassionate style, holding space for my child's feelings and emotions and trying to gentle parent. It does not come second nature to me but because of I have lived life, I have learned a lot and gained a great deal of self awareness, I am able to gain clarity about why it can be a challenge. So as an older parent, it is a bit easier to deal with the hang up and triggers that parenting can throw at you because, as most of us age, we gain self awareness. We know how we operate, as humans. It help immensely while parenting mini-you so you can think before you react or understand why you reacted in a way you didn't want to, repair and try to do better next time.

You Are More Than Your Body

One of the things that scared my about having kids in my twenties was the body changes. I struggled so much with body dysmorphia and eating disorders that the idea of getting all stretched out, actually scared me. See, I believed my worth was in what I looked like and I was never thin enough, never fit enough and having a baby would just make reaching that goal so much harder.

I have done a ton of self work and therapy around body image since that time. I have learned that my worth does not come from what I look like. I have worth because I am a human on this earth right now and I have worth because I exist. I also learned that my body is the house for my soul, for who I am and not something I should hate because of its external appearance. I was constantly at war with my body. I was always trying to change it with exercise, contort and morph into a form it is not meant to be. Aging has helped solidify these knowings. Beauty is truly fleeting. It's not something we can hold on to. We will get older. We will age. We can slow it down but we can't stop it. You have to flow with it. In aging you realize that being beautiful is not you purpose. There is so much more to your purpose than looking fit. You have so much more to contribute than that.

Being pregnant helped me realize that, as well. My body was not just my first house, it became my son's too. It was such a powerful experience, for me. Letting go of the external of what my body looked like and watching my body house, change and grow and create life, a baby.

It's Your Choice

All in all, for me, being an older mom was the right choice. I was able to build a solid foundation for myself and my life. When my child arrived into the world I was in a good place to handle how tough parenting is sometimes. I had a supportive partner, learned some serious lessons, done the healing work so I was ready to emotionally care for another human being. I was financially stable and ready career wise to take a break. I was ready to bring a new life into the world.

The choice is always an individual one to have kids and if you are younger and unsure, there is no need to rush the decision. Take your time. Know that you have more time than you think and things will happen in their time. Maybe not according to your plan, but they will happen as they are meant to and you will be so happy they did.

Let me know your thoughts and feelings about the choice to have kids in the comments below.