40 Years Together and Still Going Strong - Tips for a Marriage/Relationship that Lasts

St. Patrick's day to most families is a day to celebrate Irish customs, beer and food together. In my family, we acknowledge the day, but we also celebrate the marriage of my parents.

In 1979, two crazy kids, one the daughter of an airplane mechanic who had lived all over northern Ontario, Canada for her father's work and the other the son of a CN engineer and office administrator who's family had lived in a small town in Northern Ontario for a few generations, fell in love at 15 and 18, while attending the same high school. Two years later and 40 years ago they took off to a nearby city and eloped at the local courthouse. They had a daughter (that would be me) and a young son, they started careers, changed jobs, moved across the country together and back again, had more than a few pets, built many homes out of many houses together. They have both lost friends, parents and loved ones, worked through the ups and downs of life's challenges and tougher times. They started their life together very young and they both came from humble beginnings but now they are much wiser and have built a life they truly love.

Needless to say, I have learned a lot from my parents and their marriage, either from their direct advice or from being around them as a married couple for about 39 years and watching as they grew into the people and couple they are today. Their marriage is definitely about getting through the ups and downs, learning from life experiences, growing individually and as a couple, working through some pretty tough life altering moments together and being the support person to the other, while building their dreams together and helping each other work on their individual ones, whether its a home, a career, a passion project, and being active grandparents to their grand kids and generous and active members of their community.

What's their secret?

I asked my parents that exact question. I also asked, after 40 years together what advice they haed about marriage and relationships. They laughed and laughed. My mom eventually said, "how much time do you have?". They never did answer the question or so I thought. After pondering on it for a minute or two, I realized they had answered the question in so many way and I already knew the answer. So, I compiled a list of what I have learned from my parents and their marriage of 40 years, either through their direct advice or watching and learning through their example.

Here are some of the lesson my parents have taught me about marriage:

• Relationships and marriages that last and stand the test of time require hard work and getting through a lot of hard stuff together. Every couple you have #relationshipgoals towards or around and that has been together a long, long time has been through a gauntlet moment or two or even three and other really hard stuff -- a mid-life crisis or two, death of parents, death of other cherished loved ones, infidelity, break ups, major life changes, moving, job loss, career changes, even illness and diseases, whether each others or very close loved ones. Life can be hard. A marriage that makes it through has been through it. But, it's getting through those challenging, extremely hard times that builds a strong relationship and marriage over the long run.

• Forgiveness is key employ it often and say you are sorry just as often when you mess up, because you will mess up.

• It’s about the bigger picture — one bad day or even a string of bad days does not a bad marriage make. Sometimes it’s just about surviving the times and getting through. Better times and days will come.

• Communicate often because talking through things is necessary. Fighting, Conflict and disagreeing are not necessarily bad things. It’s important to work stuff out, establish boundaries, voice likes, dislikes, call each other out, give each other praise, compliment each other, etc. In other words, communicate a lot.

• Family first but that does not mean marriage last. Your marriage is the bed rock your family was built on so work to keep it strong and maintain that foundation. Everything comes from that. You’re a team, you're partners, you're in this together.

• Everybody contributes. Everybody picks up a hammer, everybody does the work. No one gets a free ride around here.

• Make sure your values align and that you both want similar things. Having common goals to work towards is important to building a life you both love living.

• Have hobbies. Ones you can do together and ones you enjoy doing on your own and do those often.

• Take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise and do so with each other.

• Keep flirting and bugging each other and have a sense of humour about life.

• Build your island of love and peace and set boundaries with those that threaten it.

• Relationships morph, change and grow over time. People morph, change, soften and grow over time. Things may be one way for a time but they will change completely further down the line. Roll with the changes.

• Life is not always perfect but it’s pretty damn good. Always look for the good. Even when its hard.

• Plan for your financial future, don't leave it to chance. Make a plan. work towards it together.

• It's important to be each other’s best friend. Spend time together. Date each other often. Go out with other couples and friends. Go on trips, have fun and do what brings you joy together.

• Most importantly, love each other deeply and always.

Happy Anniversary to those two crazy kids, here's to many more years of living life, fun and experiences, and building a life you love, together.

Love you both,