The Top Life Lessons I've Learned from 39 Years of Living
Today I am 39 years old and while I am considered young by my elders, I feel I have lived a life and then some, in my 39 years of living.
It has been a pretty interesting and winding road thus far. I have been through quite a lot, had many experiences, good and bad, hard and fun, difficult and healing, defeating and fulfilling. There have been ups and downs, moments of joy and bliss, heart ache and grief, hard times and great experiences. That pretty much sums up life though, doesn't it?
Through it all there have been some key things I have learned that have helped me on my healing journey and efforts to cultivate self love, forgiveness and awareness and they are as follows:
Life will teach. Take the lessons as they come. Don't resist them. Learn from them, grow as much as you can. Be a student of life. Don't worry if you don't get the lesson the first time it will come around again.
Accept the teachers in your life when they show up. Sometimes they will come in the form of mentors, friends and elders. Other times as the difficult people in your life, or romantic partners, even as your children. Everyone is a teacher.
When you first start something you have never tried before you will suck at it. That's okay. Sucking at something is the only way to get really good at it. Keep at it. Keep going.
It's impossible to know everything. So, be teachable.
Live open hearted. Heal your hurt, try again, love again.
You do not have to be a fully healed, completely together human being to be in relationship. You can heal through relationships, especially if they are healthy and secure. You can learn and grow together and be stronger for it.
Abandon perfectionism. It's self defeating and self punishing. No one and nothing is perfect. Perfectionism just keeps you small and hidden and from accomplishing anything really great.
When dealing with rejection and heart ache understand that not everyone can accept what you have to give and that has nothing to do with you, and sometimes you can't accept what someone has to offer because you are not in a place in your journey to accept it and that has nothing to do with them. We are all loveable. We are all different souls on different journeys at different times. Sometimes our journeys connect and are meant to stay connected for along time. Other times people are just passing through.
Struggle builds strength of character and resilience. It's hard to go through the struggles, but you will come out the other side better for it.
Enjoy the small moments. Life can have some pretty big, epic moments but don't live for those alone. Some of the best moments are found in the small, intimate, dailies of life, with those you love. Soak them up!
A sense of humour will help get you through a lot in life. But don't make everything a joke.
Life has its very own sense of timing and you can't rush it, force it or manipulate it. So, go with the flow as often as you can. It can be tough to do, but flailing about is sometimes more painful and you will feel silly afterwards when everything turns out fine.
Life will often gives you what you need when you need it, not what you want when you want it and you'll be glad it did...eventually.
Somehow it all works out for the best. Most of the time so much better than you could have possibly imagined. So overthinking everything about everything is a waste of your imagination.
Don't believe everything you think. Fact check if you need to because it will help you see that thoughts are not facts.
Learn as much as you can about yourself, how you operate and work. No one was given a manual on how you operate or how you best function. You are you in your particular body, in this exact time in the world, dealing with these specific set of circumstances with the specific set of qualities, histories, experiences, personality traits, skills, talents and inner workings you acquired or cultivated through education, geography, social groups, or inherited through biology. No one knows how you work, sometimes not even you! Do your best to figure yourself out. This kind of self awareness can be an invaluable tool for you, for your relationships, for your mental health and peace. It will also, help you live life in a way that is authentic, nurturing and fulfilling to you.
You can not control people and you wouldn't want to if you could. You would be a strung out, miserable, mess of a person. You deserve a better life than that. So, live and let live and keep the focus on yourself and your life.
Forgiveness really is for you. The resentment or even hatred you hold towards someone who wronged you is not affecting them, but it affects you and those who love you. Plus, wishing people ill only makes you look bad, not the other person. No matter what they did to you. Forgive and move on.
We all have toxic habits, traits and behaviours at times. We all make mistakes, and have in one way or another, whether intentionally of unintentionally, in a moment of pain or trigger, hurt those we love and care about. Own up to it when you make mistakes, make amends with those you hurt if it does not cause more harm to do so, forgive yourself and accept your shadow parts. Move forward in self compassion and try to do better in the future.
Don't let people who don't really know you or your story define who you are. They will try. But, no one really knows you like you do. So their judgements, comments, criticisms, and opinions, really don't matter.
You can hit rock bottom in your life, get back up and build a castle. It will not be easy to pull yourself up and keep doing so but it will be worth it, in the end.
Sometimes you just need to rest for a bit. So rest. Every year has a winter allow for yours.
Life is rarely black and white. There are so many shades of grey. There are two sides to every story, sometimes three. Everyone is capable of behaviours that are healthy and nurturing to some and hurtful and toxic to others. Compassion and understanding lie within the greys.
Learn to set boundaries with others early and often. It is an important skill to master and will help you maintain peace in your life and peace in your mind.
Everything changes. Life is in a constant state of flux. You change, your parents change, your relationships change, your friends change, your partner changes, your kids change, your life will change. Sometimes in ways you never imagined. It's scary, I know. But, getting comfortable with uncertainty, transitions and change will help you ride the tides of change. The good news about change is the challenges you are facing today will eventually change, too.
Surround yourself with good people. People who are loving, supportive and honest with you in an honest way. What does that mean? It means, they are honest with in a way that fosters and encourages growth and they support that growth in a way that is nurturing and healthy.
Cherish your people. Tell them you love them. All. The. Time. Give hugs and 'I love you's' away like candy.
You will lose people in life. Important people you love and care about deeply. You will lose them to disease, time, betrayal, miscommunication, life cycles and many other reasons you can't control. It hurts like hell, but it is part of life and the only thing you can do is allow for it, grieve, accept the circumstances and continue to live life on life's terms.
Follow your curiosity. You may not know where it will lead you but it could lead you somewhere you never thought you would end up, in a good way.
Acquire spirituality or beliefs of some kind that will help you get through the harder parts of life. It will help you make sense of the world when it is inexplicably cruel and in disarray. It will help you channel peace in moment when you struggle with feelings of helplessness and powerlessness because you will trust that there is something bigger than yourself in control, that has a plan, that you may not understand or comprehend. This is a very personal and individual journey. Don't be afraid to explore it.
There are 150 reasons and more why you are unique and remarkable human being. Even if someone needs just one reasons to discount you or reject you, don't you ever forget all the reasons you are remarkable.
You are 100% stronger than you think you are.
Your body is your home. Your first home. The only home that will be with you your whole life. It will grow and one day house your children, if you choose that, and if you are cis female. But, it was not meant to fit the standards of a commercialist society. Please, don't go to war with your body/home because of those superficial standards. Your body was meant to be so much more than a battle ground. It is more than an outer receptacle that needs to fit a very specific and narrow mould in order to be deemed worthy. Your body is your home for your soul and spirit. Treat it with love, honour it's phases, because it, like everything else in this world is not permanent and ever changing.
There is a lot of beauty in this world, in a sunset, a sky full of stars, trees rustling in the wind, kids playing in a field of grass on a sunny day, waves rolling in on the shore of a sandy beach. Take in as much as you can.
Success is a very personal thing. What success means to one person could be torturous to another. Figure out what success means to you and then try and figure out how to build the success you chose for yourself.
Please take what you need and leave the rest and share any life lessons you have learned throughout the years in the comments below.
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